dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
