Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
