come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
