We won't sleep together?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
