i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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