I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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