I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
