i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
