A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
