we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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