my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
