Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
