what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
