mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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