Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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