____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
