She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
