Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You are a genius and a whore.
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