first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
