I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
