I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
