just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
