If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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