They should really pass out barf bags in church
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
