mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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