Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
