you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
