im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
