from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
