my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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