Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
