Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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