I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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