On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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