When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I need moral support for this bender
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
