I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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