I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
