i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
