ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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