I got chris browned last night
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
