He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
