eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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