i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
