you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I deserve this hangover.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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