ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
