I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
