Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
