dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
