i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How does it feel to date your dad?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
