So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize