He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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