Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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