last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
