he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
