The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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