And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
