dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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