tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
