HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
