From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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