theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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