I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
