next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize