I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
