you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
