i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
