shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
