I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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