hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
