Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
