did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
